Sometimes I need space & I love you too...!

 

दोन संपूर्णपणे वेगळ्या व्यक्तींनी एकत्र राहणं म्हणजे काही प्रमाणात adjustment करणं, तडजोड करणं, आत्तापर्यंत आपण जसे जगत आलेले असतो त्यात रोज होणारा बदल पाहणं. माझ्या गोष्टी, वस्तू, पैसा आणि सगळ्यात महत्त्वाचं म्हणजे "माझी space" (me time) कालपर्यंत ज्या फक्त माझ्या होत्या त्या आता कुणाबरोबर तरी रोज-रोज वाटल्या जाणार असतात.

 

सोबत राहायला लागल्यावर सगळ्यात अवघड होतं ते आपली space share करणं. आपण जेव्हा आपला partner निवडतो, त्याला/ तिला स्वीकारायला तयार असतो तेव्हा मी माझी म्हणून जी space आत्ता पर्यंत घेत होतो/ होते त्याबद्दल किंवा माझ्या partner ला हव्या असणाऱ्या space बद्दल काय विचार करतो/ करते?

 

अनेकदा एकमेकांना space देणं कठीण होतं. कारण लग्न झालं म्हणजे एकमेकांच्या सुख-दुःखांची जबाबदारी घेणं compulsory असल्याची भावना त्यामागे असते. पण यात समोरची व्यक्ती माझा partner असला/ असली तरी एक स्वतंत्र व्यक्ती आहे ही बाजू पूर्णपणे दुर्लक्षित केली जाते. माणूस कितीही नात्यांमध्ये गुंतला तरी त्याला, त्याचे स्वतःशी असणारे, स्वतंत्र नाते जपायला मिळणे ही त्याची मुख्य गरज कायम असते.

 

Space घेतली म्हणजे आपल्या partner वर आपला विश्वास नाही, प्रेम नाही, तो/ ती आपल्याला समजून घेत नाही, आपल्याला त्याचा/ तिचा कंटाळा आला आहे अशी भावना नसून, आत्ता (me time मध्ये) मला स्वतः बरोबर राहावंसं वाटतं आहे, स्वतःला समजून घ्यावंसं वाटतं आहे, माझ्या आवडीच्या गोष्टी कराव्यात असं वाटतं आहे आणि माझी ही space मिळवून झाली की मी परत माझ्या partner कडे उत्सुकतेने जाणार आहे ही भावना असते. तसेच space देताना आपण समोरच्यावर कुठलं pressure न आणता, obligation न आणता त्याला/ तिला हवा असलेला मोकळेपणा देतो आहोत का आणि तो/ ती परत आल्यावर त्याला/ तिला पूर्वीसारखं स्वीकारणार आहोत ही खात्री देऊ शकतो आहोत का? ही स्पष्टता जास्त महत्वाची ठरते.

 

कुठला वेळ मला माझ्यासाठी हवा आहे आणि तो का हवा आहे, तो वेळ मिळाल्यावर मला काय वाटणार आहे, Space घेण्याचा आणि एकमेकांवर असलेल्या प्रेमाचा काही संबंध नाही आणि जो संबंध आहे तो कसा आहे, याबद्दल आपल्या partner ला जर आधीपासून कल्पना देऊ शकलो, तर space मागण्या ऐवजी ती आपोआप मिळवता येऊ शकते.

   Photo by Andrik Langfield on Unsplash 

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